creme-brulee

i won't turn you away at the door to my heart or preference other guests over you you are hard to be with but i'll keep turning towards you that you may share your offerings and feel seen and loved just as you are

searching for solace a boulder arose in my path in distraction i turned away, searching for solace and a boulder arose in my path in frustration i turned away, searching for solace and a boulder arose in my path in resistance i turned away, searching for solace and a boulder arose in my path in desperation i collapsed onto the boulder and found solace

the earth is my only true teacher i surrender into her allow her to rise up through me may her wisdom purify my arrogance may her wholeness purify my self-centeredness may i become her

may these waves of grief erode the parts of myself that are ready to die these last leaves holding on before their surrender to winter what if this deep suffering this full-bodied scream this falling apart completely is the answer to a prayer... God, may i surrender all that blocks me from fully embodying Love

prince of peace, may i spend this night at your feet mother earth, may i spend this night in your womb darkness, may you hold me in light

this pain, an old friend i can't find the end of it so i don't dive in i'd fight my way out if i knew which way to turn instead i collapse am i growing wise as i carry this struggle or am i growing numb?

you're pulling me close as you're pushing me away my heart ripped in two

so many nights alone arms wrapped around myself wishing to be held now, sleeping beside you alone arms wrapped around myself wishing to be held

grandmother i hear you calling my name but these feet, bound by shoes, have forgotten moist earth have forgotten the path to your embrace grandmother i hear you calling my name but between us lies such a tangled thicket of thorns and i'm not ready to be born into this i'm not ready to grow but this skin keeps shedding off leaving me raw and exposed under fluorescent lights wishing to once again be small enough to fold into your lap grandmother i hear you calling my name your voice is the sound of whales crying your voice is the sound of horses dancing your voice is a drum in my heart grandmother i hear you calling my name may i shed these shoes may i shed this skin may i cry as the whale may i dance as the horse may i follow this heartbeat home